Before Portage (How I started taking drugs/alcohol and why)
When I was only 13, I started using drugs in the bars I was going to, first as a client, then as an employee. I would drink a lot of alcohol (starting in the morning and continuing well into the night) and take speed. That lasted ten years. Then I became pregnant with my daughter and started using cocaine. I eventually lost custody of my daughter. That’s when I drifted into crack. For three years, I made my partner, my daughter and my family go through so much. I was ridden with feelings of guilt, which I tried to forget by using more drugs.
The director of the Youth Protection Services came into my life and referred me to Portage when I was pregnant with my second child. I was drinking a lot, would often fight with my partner, and the police would show up regularly at our house.
What led me to call Portage or how I was referred
The director of the Youth Protection Services came into my life and referred me to Portage when I was pregnant with my second child. I was drinking a lot, would often fight with my partner, and the police would show up regularly at our house.
My first days at Portage
I felt at ease, because it was my second time being admitted to the program. During my first stay at Portage, I had my daughter with me, but this time around I was pregnant and without her. It was hard for me to be around the other mothers who had their children with them. I was happy to see the same staff again but I cried a lot (read Counsellor at Portage: Belonging to a Therapeutic Community).
How long I’ve been at Portage and what has changed
I’ve been at Portage for seven months now and I’ve managed to tackle my guilt issues. I can now talk about them. I forgave myself even though it still gets to me when I think about what I’ve put my children through. I worked a lot on my impulsivity, which led me to make bad decisions. I’m now 100% there for my son Noah and I know that I will not repeat the same mistakes with my daughter. I’m learning to better communicate, to be more assertive, to be honest and to not be afraid of other people’s judgement.
As a mother, I want to be a role model and a woman my children can rely on. I would like to have my own apartment, complete my studies and have a profession. I want to be what I wasn’t before: a good citizen.
How I see the future after completing the program
As a mother, I want to be a role model and a woman my children can rely on. I would like to have my own apartment, complete my studies and have a profession. I want to be what I wasn’t before: a good citizen.
Finally, where I think I would be without Portage
I would be having the same life as before, lost without my children. Portage saved my life. I feel self-confident, and I feel stronger. I found my values, I’m positive and motivated to continue on the wonderful path I’m on today.
Amelya, Resident in Portage’s Mother & Child program
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