10-25-2024

Eric’s journey from addiction to recovery is a testament to resilience, determination, and the power of second chances. Before going to Portage Atlantic, Eric faced overwhelming challenges, trapped in a cycle of addiction and despair. However, through the structured support of the Portage program and the unwavering love of his family, he was able to find his way back to sobriety and rebuild his life.

What follows is Eric's powerful testimony, recounting his personal struggles and the transformation that Portage Atlantic made possible. His father, Ted, also shared a deeply moving speech during the recognition ceremony on October 6th, expressing his immense pride and gratitude for Eric’s recovery and the healing their family has experienced.

 

Before treatment

Before going to Portage, my life was a disaster. I prioritized drugs and alcohol over family and friends. I didn’t care about anyone or anything, or even myself. I manipulated my family and friends into believing I was doing perfectly fine and had no issues, I was just “Doing what everyone does at this age.” I had convinced myself that my life wasn’t as bad as it was and that it was just a phase I was going through.

I hardly had any real friends, they were mainly “friends” I would do drugs with, and that I never trusted. I felt isolated from everyone in my life as I hid so much and was too scared to tell people how far gone, I was. I thought death was my only escape, and that it would make it easier for people who cared about me to stop worrying about me.

I tried to overdose countless times, often testing my limits by mixing benzodiazepines with alcohol, not caring if I survived. My goal was to die before 2024, as I couldn’t live with all the guilt I had been carrying for years and couldn’t go a couple of hours without pills or alcohol. I thought sobriety was a fantasy that I would never be able to attain, as I had tried to do plenty of times with no success. I did manage to get off the benzodiazepines with the help of my doctor, after one seizure trying on my own. However, that led me to increase my drinking habits significantly and start ordering painkillers instead, as I knew the withdrawals weren’t as dangerous as benzodiazepines.

The incident that led me to pursue going to Portage was when I overdosed at home. I had relapsed on benzodiazepines, mixing them with alcohol. I was vomiting blood, and my mom came downstairs and saw it. She took me to the hospital, where they told me I hardly had any stomach lining left, and that if I kept up with my habits, I would be dead very shortly. Before going to Portage, my parents only knew that I had a drinking and weed addiction, not that I also had a pill addiction.

 

During treatment

When I first arrived at Portage, I had no idea how hard the program was going to be. I had known it was a long program, but I never knew how structured it was, and how much you have to do to succeed and finish the program. My goal also was to stay a month or so and to learn to drink responsibly, which is not possible for 99% of addicts.

The first couple of weeks went by pretty well, as I thought I could just hide all of my feelings, not do any therapy and get out of there quickly and be fixed. Soon, I realized that was an unreasonable expectation.

After a month or so, I started to let out my true colors. I got angry, aggressive, disrespectful, arrogant and resistant to the staff and community at Portage Atlantic. I didn’t want to talk about my past, or my feelings or receive any advice from anyone. It was a lot to adapt to, as I was used to being alone, isolating myself from everyone, and hiding all of my feelings. I didn’t take anyone or anything seriously and was just there out of fear of going home as a disappointment and drinking myself to death.

I learned to work with my community, staff and especially my case worker. I realized how much I needed this place, and how ungrateful I was about the opportunity and time the staff were putting into me. I became more open to the staff and community and would share about my feelings, trauma, experiences and guilt. My case worker worked hard with me, creating very strong plans of care and talking to me a lot about my past guilt, and family.

My morals and principles came back, and I learned how to properly manage myself throughout my time at Portage. I wasn’t perfect, but I was a whole lot better than when I first went in. It wouldn’t have been possible without the staff, community and my family’s support. I did play a major role as well, but without my family, I wouldn’t have made it through the program. There were many times I had extra calls with them, as I wanted to leave, and they talked with me and didn’t try to force me to stay, but rather talked about why I wanted to leave and the worries they would have.

 

After treatment

When I first got out, there was a lot for me to adapt to. Having lived in such a structured environment, isolated from the risks and situations the outside world had. I had days where I wanted to throw away all the progress and go back to my addiction, but with my support system, I was able to work through my cravings and dark thoughts. AA and aftercare also helped me a lot, getting advice from others going through the same path of sobriety.

The program put me back on the train tracks, leading me in the right direction. I re-admitted to college, got a job and fulfilled one of my life dreams of having a motorcycle. I became productive again, not sitting in my room doing nothing and drinking and taking pills all day. I felt accomplished, and proud of myself once in my life. Being able to notice all the progress I have made, and not being scared to share my story with anyone.

I was able to rebuild my family relationship by being transparent and honest with my family. I can talk with my brother, do activities as a family and spend time with them. I’m not scared to ask for help when I need it, one thing I never did in the past as I thought it was a weakness.

Portage has done for me what I never thought was possible, get me sober and maintain sobriety, build true connections with people, rebuild my family, teach me how to manage and talk about my feelings, ask for help and so much more. Most of the things I learned I don’t even realize, as it has become so normal for me now, that I don’t even realize it’s something I never would’ve done beforehand. I will always cherish Portage, and continue to support them throughout my career, and promote it to people struggling with addiction, as everyone deserves a second chance.

 

October 6th, Eric’s father speech during the Recognition Ceremony “New beginning”

[…] Today, Eric is leading a sober life.  Free of alcohol and drugs, no more stuck in a deep dark well of addiction and despair not knowing how to free himself and climb out.  Every day he is working on being a better version of himself.  He has stayed true to himself, staying engaged with Portage by attending the in person after care sessions, re-entered the work force working all summer for PepsiCo and re-enrolled and restarted his second year of college.  He has rebuilt his relationships with his brother, his friends and my wife and me.  Trust has been restored and our family is at peace.  Eric, your brother, mother and I love you so very much.

 

Eric, Adolescents and Young Adults Program, Portage Atlantic, 2024

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