I started drinking when I was only nine years old, under pressure from my own mother. As I got older, I learned to self-harm for the numbness I craved. At just 14, I started using drugs. Some might say my consumption wasn’t severe, and my close family and friends never realized I had a problem. But my whole life, I was taught to hide my troubles—that I was the problem, that I was crazy, that I wasn’t good enough.
Portage taught me that none of that was true.
I first entered the program in March 2022—not for myself, but because my parents told me to. I had always felt like a social outcast. I was bullied, judged, and, more importantly, I played the victim. I believed the world revolved around me, that I was always right—because if I wasn’t, I would have to face the fact that I could be wrong. I set myself up for failure, refusing to learn from my mistakes or to grow. I was immature and not ready for a program that, one day, would save my life.
After just five weeks, my time at Portage ended. I spent the next year moving from place to place across Montreal. My addiction became 10 times worse as I experimented with chemical drugs and unhealthy relationships.
Above all, I was lonely. I needed stability and love, but most importantly, I needed to trust that others could give that to me. My whole life, it had been just me, myself, and I—and time and time again, I failed to protect myself from the very things I feared.
In January 2023, I reached an all-time low. Once again, I felt like there was no reason for me to live. I had no one, no home, and no hope. But in that moment, I figured I’d put my stubbornness aside and give Portage another shot.
Throughout my addiction, I never wanted to do drugs, but I felt like I needed to. I never liked losing control over myself to a substance that had failed me over and over again, putting me in harm’s way. I used to escape the hurt of my past and present, thinking it was the easiest way to cope—or so I thought.
After years of therapy, I had convinced myself that my traumas, my relationships with my family, and my mental health struggles would never improve. So why not try again?
It wasn’t easy. But as I reintegrated into the program [at Portage Lac Écho] and used my stubbornness to save my life instead of destroying it, I succeeded. For the first time, I realized that the easiest coping mechanism wasn’t escaping through substances or self-harm—it was facing my problems head-on. I decided I would no longer fear and run away, but instead, live life to its fullest.
Portage showed me how to be the very best version of myself. It didn’t change me—it gave me the ability to grow and thrive. Even in moments when it felt like the whole world was against me, I learned that I could overcome anything if I just put my guard down and believed in myself.
Today, I am sober. Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows, but I am truly living my best life. I am the healthiest I’ve ever been, advocating for what I believe in, and thriving in my own autonomous journey to change the world.
I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. Portage played a huge role in shaping me into the person I am today and continues to be my number one support in facing life’s journey.
Kayden, Adolescent and Young Adults – Anglophone Program, Lac Écho, 2022
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