I betrayed all my values to continue using drugs

My name is Mathis. I’m 22 years old and I’m a recovering addict**. My mother wasn’t there for part of my childhood because of her substance use. Her absence and my need for maternal love led me to always seek out love and attention. When I was eleven years old, I started using to be accepted and included in the school’s “cool” crowd. I quickly developed a taste for the euphoria brought on by drugs and I felt they made it easier to interact with people.

I started selling drugs and hanging out with people who were older than me. I finally felt important in other people’s eyes. But substance use led to misconduct and misdemeanours, followed by regrets, guilt and remorse. To avoid those feelings, I took even more drugs. This vicious circle lasted nearly 10 years before I hit rock bottom. The day I lost my brother to an overdose, I also completely lost control of my life. I pushed away everyone who was there for me and surrounded myself with people who were suffering like me, to avoid being judged. I made my family suffer and betrayed all my values to continue using drugs and avoid feeling anything.

I arrived at Portage Saint-Malachie completely broken, after several brushes with death. Devoid of any self-esteem or self-love, I started my therapy program. I never would have thought I could finish a program and become the person I am today. Entering Portage was not easy, even though I did so of my own free will. Little by little, I started to eat again (and the food is really good), to take care of myself and to live a healthy lifestyle. I worked on my excessive pride and humility found its way into my life. I started to listen to others and try to understand them before seeking to be understood. I learned to put names on my emotions and to be true to my values. I worked at repairing the family relationships that I had shattered. I managed to forgive myself for all the pain I inflicted on those closest to me and, of course, on myself. I rediscovered my passions. I set goals for myself, including going back to school. I feel proud, but also extremely lucky, that I was able to recover at Portage. I rediscovered my inner child through the activities offered as part of the therapy program, including winter camping, judo, sports and music, to name just a few. I was also fortunate to have outstanding counsellors who are devoted to their work, who are there for us and who understand us.

I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I live in an apartment with my girlfriend, who supported me throughout my journey to recovery. I have a job I like, and I’ve been accepted into a specialized mechanics course for recreational vehicles. I am close to my family and I’m happy. I am extremely grateful to Portage because my program saved my life. I am also very grateful to all the counsellors who guided me throughout the program because it’s thanks to them that Portage is able to continue helping people like me escape the hell of addiction. So, in the name of all the young people who completed or are currently completing their program, thank you very, very much.

Testimonial given by a participant of the social reintegration program for adolescents and young adults, Portage Saint-Malachie, 2025

** Mathis uses the term “recovering addict” with pride. Our residents reclaim such terms to describe their life experiences, acknowledge their journey, and affirm their strength as they progress through rehabilitation.