My name is Masha. I’m 21 years old and I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. This is my story.
As a child, I was full of life, always cheerful, active, sociable and so much more. I always had a lot of friends throughout grade school. I was into soccer, gymnastics, dancing and cheerleading. I was a good student, and my teachers liked me. The problem was my family life.
One of my parents had a substance addiction so the atmosphere at home was tense and sometimes hard to bear. After my parents divorced, my relationship with my brothers and sister on my father’s side became more complicated because I lived with my mother and only saw my dad every other weekend. Not long after they separated, my parents found new partners. My relationship with my stepparents was difficult from the beginning.
I started drinking when I was young, as alcohol was pretty much a constant on one side of my family. Toward the end of sixth grade, I started getting bullied and it lasted right up to my third year of high school. I felt out of place everywhere. Things weren’t going well at school or at either of my homes. I didn’t know what to do. All through high school, I built up a façade. Then, when I resorted to violence to put a stop to all the bullying, people started to actually see me. I was ″cool″ now.
When I was about 14 or 15, substance use entered my life in a big way. It didn’t take long for me to notice that people liked who I was when I was high. That’s when I developed a really toxic mindset. Boys, drugs, alcohol and being popular became the most important things in my life.
From the ages of 15 to 18, I experienced some pretty severe trauma that unfortunately made my relationship with alcohol even worse. As time passed, people started to like me less. I was violent, negative and very impulsive. People didn’t want to risk being around me because the ″cool″ Masha wasn’t so cool anymore.
At 18, after a traumatic event, I underwent my first therapy. It was a 28-day closed therapy. It didn’t work because I was too caught up in my substance use. From 18 to 19, my life was hell; I tried to end it more than 10 times. I wasn’t myself and I didn’t want to live anymore. People didn’t recognize me anymore. I was manipulative, I lied, I couldn’t keep a job, I no longer had any dreams, and I had become an empty shell.
On January 16, 2023, I decided to stop using and apply for admission to Portage Saint-Malachie after an attempt that left me very frightened. I really did almost die on the night of January 15.
My program started on February 16, 2023. It was scary at first: I was in an unfamiliar and stricter environment, there were no drugs or alcohol, etc. But I discovered who I was, I forged unconditional friendships, and I learned how to live again.
Throughout my program, the staff supported me and they really made a difference. Once I’d let my guard down, once I’d started to give this new way of life a chance and stopped wanting to have my way all the time, everything started to make sense. I reconnected with my family and friends. I started dreaming again, looking to the future and practicing sports. Little by little, I became myself again.
On September 12, 2023, I finished my program and started aftercare. At Portage, when you finish your residential program, you get 18 months of regular follow-ups with a counsellor and other people who have completed their residential program. In other words, you’re not alone.
That year, I got my driver’s licence, I bought a car, I found a life partner, I got a job that fulfills my aspirations, and I surrounded myself with people who are really there for me.
On December 8, 2024, I finished my aftercare program, which means I successfully completed the entire Portage program.
Now, in 2025, I’m working on some great projects. I’m sober and I’m happy. It’s not always easy; life’s challenges don’t go away just because you’re sober. But now I have the tools I need to deal with them. And I still see my aftercare counsellor. I still need help with some aspects of my life and that’s okay.
Asking for help is the best thing you can do for yourself. It can save you from dying or from ending up in the morgue or the hospital.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and never forget that you are loved and that you are important. Save your life: ask for help.
Masha, Program for Adolescents and Young Adults, Portage Saint-Malachie, 2024
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